Finals.
SENIOR year.
SENIOR recital.
Student teaching.
Graduation.
And everything that follows...
Life seems to be coming at me fast. Just a short time ago, I was swinging on the swing set, climbing trees, and chasing my brothers all over creation. Just a short time ago, I was setting off for my first day of High School, excited for what was to come, anticipating life as an adult. Even shorter a time ago, I was putting my life into boxes, and heading off on a new adventure. Now, I prepare to enter the year that I thought would never arrive. The highly anticipated final year (and a half) of college. As I fill out paperwork for financial aid, for housing, and prepare to register for my final two semesters of regular classes, it hit me: this is really happening. I am going to be a senior. I will be graduating in 3 semesters. Even bigger than the question of how I even got to this place, or how I am going to get through these final three semesters, is a fear of what is to come. Where will I live, what if I can't get a job? All of the questions that I pushed to the back of my mind as a Freshman are slowly creeping up on me as things that I am going to have to consider in a very short amount of time.
Sometimes, especially when I face the unknowns of life, I identify with the Israelites. I wrestle with being fearful and disobedient, and standing strong in the faith that God will fulfill His purpose in my life. Lately, I cannot help but think of all of the many instances where God led people into situations that they could not see beforehand, or even wrap their minds around. I think about how God asked Abraham to give up his only son. God didn't tell him that He was going to send an angel to stop him, or that He would provide the ram for the sacrifice. Or I think about when God parted the Red Sea as he brought the Israelites out of Egypt. The Israelites could not see how they would make it through that situation. They had the Red Sea on one side of them, and an army of angry Egyptians on the other. It seemed hopeless. But God made a way. I ponder upon the strength and faith of Esther. Approaching the king to plead for the lives of her people when she knew she could die as a result.
This season is a season of change. A chapter in my life is beginning to close, and I don't know how the next is going to begin. If I am to be completely honest, I am completely terrified. There are so many unknowns. But I know this: I have been called to a season of faith. I have a God who is greater than all the unknowns that seem to be so big in my life. And those things are not unknown to Him. He knows exactly what I need to make it through the final three semesters of my college career. He knows exactly where I am going to live, where I will work...He has it all planned out, just for me. Sometimes, this is almost too big for my mind to wrap around, but all that I need to do is walk. All I need to do is to take the things that God is calling me to do, or to give up, and to walk up the mountain and do them. All that is required of me is to step onto the dry path that God is creating for me through the sea of unknown. To be willing to give up anything and everything to do what it is that He has for me. Nothing more, nothing less.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." --Jeremiah 29:11-13
Seeking Faith as I wait,
Alicia
Psalm 138:8
