{This is the second of a 2-Part Series, for Part 1, Click here}
What does it look like to live according
to The Plan?
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the
husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his
body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also
wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." {Ephesians 5:22-34, ESV}
And there it is. For some, this may be the most dreaded passage of Scripture. Others may recognize its truth and ignore it. But if we intend to live according to God's plan, how can we afford to ignore it? God has given us the blueprint for a healthy relationship...why do we choose to ignore it? This passage outlines that Biblical plan for the husband wife relationship. Wives, are to submit to their husbands in everything, as the Church to Christ. Likewise, husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loves the Church. Simple enough, right?
The big picture lies in one question: "How does one submit to their husband...as unto the Lord?"
1. We are to trust our husband's judgment, even when we don't understand. {Proverbs 3:5-6}
Don't get me wrong when
I make this statement. I don't believe that it is God's design for the man to
make all the decisions in the relationship, and for the wife to just follow
blindly. But sometimes, in what I have read of marriage, there are some
decisions that the two cannot come to agreement upon, in which case, the
husband must act. What Scripture leads me to believe is that in these
situations, we as women need to trust that our husbands are acting in the best
interests of the entire family, and under the Lord's guidance.
2. We are to trust that he will provide for our needs. {Genesis 22; Exodus 16:4-5}
Just as we are to trust that the Lord is going to provide for our needs, I believe that God has called for women to trust that their husbands will provide. Men, from what I have seen of both my own father, and in my boyfriend...they have a need to provide. They need to feel the security of knowing that their family has everything that they need. Many men want to wait on marriage for this very reason. Why should we add to their worry by worrying?
3. We are to have faith in his love. {Psalm 52:8}
Quite simply: We are to trust that our husbands love us. Even in the midst of an argument. Even in the midst of a decision that is out of our hands. God loves us no matter what. In the same way, Ephesians 5:22-34 calls husbands to love their wives...no matter what. We are to trust in that.
4. We are to go to him in times of trouble.
What I am saying here is that just as we should go to God and rely on his strength when the going gets tough, I believe that we are also to rely on our spouses. And this applies to men too. I don't know how many of you have seen License to Wed (with Robin Williams and Mandy Moore). But the basic scenario is this: When the bride runs into trouble, instead of talking it through with her fiance, she turns to her best friend (who is male). Her fiance wishes that she would rely on him more. While typically, movies aren't always the best for modeling life after, I can't help but see how often this might play out in real life. It really raises the question: When we are going through a crisis, who (aside from God) are we running to? If our spouses are also following The Plan, then they will be there to not only love us through the situation, but also to shepherd us, if you will, as they are called to do in Ephesians 5.
But this
leads me to ask a second question.
How is it possible that we can live this
way?
It is often hard to break the mold that has been set up for us. Often, I think it is not only buying into the lies that the world feeds us about femininity...but also our pride. Pride is wired into us at birth. Some have a worse case of it than others, but nevertheless, it is a common issue. We all want what we want. We aren't content to live in the way that God has created us to live, because out of our own selfish pride we want control. This plays out in both our relationship with God, and in our personal relationships with friends, family, and our spouses.
The book refers to it in this way:
"In Resolving to champion the biblical model for womanhood, we must recognize that God's creation entails not only an inherent feminine esteem but also an established order. Human relationships are not designed to be a raw contest of power and strength but rather a self-controlled acceptance of clearly outlined roles. Therefore, we must exert our greatest influence in life by knowing how to harness and safeguard our own strong wills." (The Resolution Book for Women, 42)
Scripture goes on:
"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear--but let your adorning be the hidden person of the hear with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening." {1 Peter 3:1-6, ESV}
Here it is again. Another assertion of the roles of men and women in marriage.
Here, though, it asserts the importance of doing so, even if the husband is not
of faith. Doing so is a testament of your faith in Christ, even more than the
preaching of the gospel. You want power? Now that is power!
I especially enjoy verses 3-4, which ultimately answer the question of how we can possibly live in submission to our husbands. Lean in close here, ladies. Hear me on this: the secret is in the possession of a "gentle and quiet spirit" (v. 4). In order to possess this quality, we must humble ourselves. Swallow our pride. Let go of control. Otherwise, we will be the exact opposite. Our spirit will be loud, power-hungry, desiring to lord over our husbands. All throughout biblical history, the results of stepping out of the parameters of God's plan for our relationship are evident, even in the garden. Adam was with Eve when the serpent was tempting her to sin. Did Eve go to her husband for his judgment, or rely on him? Did Adam step up into his role as the leader of the home and stop her? Well, we all know the answer to that. And the consequences of that? Sin enters the world. Sarah decides to take matters into her own hands and gives her maid to Abraham to bear a child for her. The consequences? The child born of Hagar became the father of Israel's enemy. I could go on, but I think that the point is clear. If we don't let go of our pride, our "I think I know what is best and you don't" attitudes, we step outside of the parameters that God has set...leading to consequences within and sometimes outside of our relationship.
But the amazing truth is that when we do choose to lay down our pride, and choose to follow in the way the Lord leads us is that we find not only peace in our marital relationship, but beauty in the eyes of God. Referring back to 1 Peter 3:1-7, verse 3 warns women to not let their adorning be purely external. God says: adorning your exterior is meaningless if you fail to adorn yourself internally as well. Check it out:
"Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear--but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." {1 Peter 3:3-4, ESV}
Living with a "gentle and quiet spirit" is--did you catch it? Imperishable beauty, which is precious to God. Following God, and trusting that He will guide both you and your husband, even when it is "frightening" (v. 6), by living with peace, you find far more beauty than having the latest name brand, or by having every stitch of makeup in place. You are leaving a legacy for your daughters to follow, and for her daughters after her. The outer beauty, that will fade. But leaving a legacy of faith and true femininity for generations to come? Imperishable.
Love it, or hate it...God has been clear throughout Scripture on the biblical roles of men and women. As much as you and I might like to dance around these passages, writing them off as "archaic", if one sits and meditates on the truths that they present, we might enjoy the beauty that God desires to create in our relationships. We have been given the blueprint to a healthy relationship! But for so many different reasons, as I wrote last time, we decide to do it our own way. We choose to live in our own selfish pride, trying to lord over our husband with our own ambitious desires. The result of this is "broken families, unstable homes, and derailed legacies" (The Resolution Book for Women, 45). If Christ could exhibit such humility as to bear the shame of the cross (Philippians 2:6-8), then what excuse can we possibly wield for choosing to do the same. What is such a big deal that we can't forgo our supposed rights in order to follow God's Plan? To trust Him? To bring Him, the most glory, even if we don't get our own way? But the Shirer, the author of the book, asserts that a "place of freedom and peace awaits every woman who aligns herself with God's design" (The Resolution for Women, 47).
This is a call that God is placing on our lives, ladies. It is a call that will take courage, the swallowing of pride, and the displacing the misconceptions we have been fed since infancy. This is not a call for the next generation, it is a call for here and now. We cannot afford to wait. Even though accepting God's call, and taking on our proper roles is beneficial to us now, there is an even bigger reason. We are defining what femininity is going to mean to the generation of tomorrow. Will they fight it or embrace it? The answer all depends on our response to the call to following God's Plan.
I think the Shirer nails it on the head when she says:
"We are all on a platform every day,
a position entrusted to us each morning when we swing our legs out of bed. From
atop this daily rostrum, you and I remain constantly in the spotlight, where
the life we've resolved to live will either champion or demote the beauty of
biblical femininity. We will cause our daughters either to desire it or fight
against it. We will encourage our sons either to appreciate it or to take
advantage of it.
Yes, this platform has been
entrusted to us. As a result, an audience of friends, family, loved ones,
children, coworkers, and public acquaintances are all watching not only to see
how we live but to ascertain our attitude as we live it."
(The
Resolution for Women, 35)
I will champion God's model for womanhood
in the face of a postfeminist culture. I will teach it to my daughters and
encourage its support by my sons.
This is my
resolution. So let me ask you,
What kind of
woman are you going to be?
Your answer
is at the very heart of this resolution.
Seeking Femininity as I wait,
Alicia
Psalm 138:8
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